All 25 Main Bond Villains: Ranked.

No hero would be truly great if he did not have great villains. There’s a reason Batman and Spider-Man are heads above other superheroes in terms of popularity. James Bond also boasts one of the best rogues gallery ever. In over 20 films whole mobs of villains have given him ample threats to deal with. I plan to do two rankings related to his villains. This one focuses on the primary villain of each movie (in a couple cases I had to choose one of two main antagonists).

Of course they’ll be ranked based on how much of a challenge they pose, their character, and the actors’ performances. Being a fun character is also usually a requirement for being a good Bond antagonist. There are a couple that aren’t really “fun” but nevertheless win higher spots due to their presence or the way they challenge Bond. Looking at my ranking I realize I actually love almost everybody on here. I get to the really awesome ones rather quickly. There will be plenty of spoilers, especially regarding death scenes and the plot twist characters. If you haven’t seen the movies and don’t want any massive spoilers, avoid this list. Even a cursory glance at the names might expose one or two shocks.

The Criminally Bad

#25: Lyutsifer Safin (No Time to Die)

Played by: Rami Malek

I already had a bad feeling about No Time to Die before I saw it, but I expected Rami Malek to be a high point. A victim of Spectre with a scarred face and white mask, Safin actually targeted Bond love Madeleine Swann and her family, thanks to her father’s involvement with Spectre. He ended up saving her instead and buggered off to create his own nefarious organization. His scheme is to use a virus that can target specific strains of human DNA. This means people can unwittingly transmit the virus until finally it reaches the intended target or targets.

Despite one of the more unique death weapons and his key role in the film’s controversial ending, Safin was a shockingly dull villain. He gets barely any screen time in the longest Bond movie no less) and his performance, while sinister, is one-note. The main problem is that his reason for wiping out potentially millions with his virus is just not there. Towards the end he gives some spiel about how people really desire control and a bunch of other generic villain talking points. Safin is unmemorable, uninteresting, and gets no cool scenes. And this is the guy who finally got James Bond to die!

#24: Dominic Greene (Quantum of Solace)

Played by: Mathieu Amalric

Greene works for Quantum, an expy for Spectre when Eon Productions didn’t have the rights to the well-known criminal terrorist organization. His public persona is of a committed environmentalist, but he’s really using wealth, blackmail, and terrorism to create economic policies that will favor Quantum. His scheme is to install General Medrano over Bolivia and then take control of the country’s water supply.

All 24 Main Bond Girls: Ranked.

It’s common knowledge that James Bond is quite the charmer and womanizer (to what degree depends on the actor portraying him). Each film has at least 2 or 3 major Bond girls (with plenty of others with bit parts). For my ranking I have decided to just focus on the main Bond girls. A Main Bond Girl is the lady who ends up with 007 at the end of the film, so some favorites like Aki from You Only Live Twice won’t be here.

I rank each Bond Girl primarily by how well her character is written, how she serves the story, her interactions with Bond, and of course her acting. I only factor in their attractiveness (they’re all at least pretty) if I have trouble deciding a slot. I have not selected any entry for Skyfall, as thanks to the nature of the story it doesn’t allow for a Bond Girl at the end. It does have Severine, who starts off looking like a classy big player, but turns out to be a tortured former sex slave. However, she isn’t really a main Bond girl. This ranking will include a heavy number of spoilers regarding deaths and a couple big plot twists. One of them is coming up right now.

The Ones You Want James Bond to Dump

#24: Christmas Jones (The World is Not Enough)

Played by: Denise Richards

Big spoiler here. Sophie Marceau’s Elektra King was set up to be the main love interest. The problem is that she turns out to be the main villain. Eon Productions failed to follow up this bold story choice by chucking out the Bond ending formula. Bond usually ends the film making out with the main Bond girl. Halfway into The World is Not Enough they introduce Dr. Christmas Jones, a nuclear scientist who Bond runs across in Kazakhstan. After Bond rescues her from an underground explosion, she’s suddenly just tagging along with him everywhere he goes, though she does have relevant knowledge considering the villain’s plot.

Shoehorning a love interest and film ending sex scene after the film’s dark twists is a bit jarring. What’s worse is the actress chosen and how she portrays the character. Denis Richards was still in her 20s and had a very distinctive girlish look. She belongs in teen and college comedies (Paul Veerhoeven cast her in Starship Troopers to drive home the satirical teen drama style). A nuclear physicist can be attractive, but having someone that young walking around her job in hot pants and a tank top just strains credulity. Denise Richards also delivers her lines in her valley girl voice. Even her more accurate lines about nuclear weapons sound stupid, like she’s just repeating stuff to sound smart. Christmas Jones is a character that singlehandedly held down what should have been one of the best Bond films.

#23: Mary Goodnight (The Man with the Golden Gun)

Played by: Britt Ekland

Mary Goodnight is an MI6 staffer tasked with assisting James Bond, so you’d think that she would be a capable agent even if she isn’t trained for combat situations. You’d be surprised to see that the British Secret Service hires ditzy blondes for potentially dangerous missions. She spends the second act as the third component of a comical love triangle involving Bond and Scaramanga’s tragic mistress Miss Anders. She gets herself captured by Scaramanga and spends the rest of the film in a bikini, bumbling around. She almost accidentally blows everybody up in the climax, much to Bond’s anger and annoyance.

All 25 James Bond Movies: Ranked (and Revised).

I recently watched all the James Bond films in chronological order. It was quite fascinating seeing how the series evolved, and also discerning which eras were the best and which were the worst. I’ve decided to do a ranking of all 25 Eon Productions films from worst to best. Doubtlessly I would rearrange my order. It’s really hard to get a firm grasp of where a quarter of a hundred movies fall on a list. The ones on the bottom will definitely stay around there, as will the ones on top. So here they are, separated into general categories from worst to best.

There will be some spoilers, mostly on the light side.

Note: It’s hard to rank so many movies. I’ve actually rearranged the listing of a few films that after consideration were deemed better or worse than thought. These include Living Daylights, Octopussy, Thunderball, and The World is Not Enough.

The Bad Ones

#25: Spectre (2015)

Plot: Bond’s past comes back to haunt him as a shadowy organization is revealed to be behind terrorist attacks all around the world. He goes rogue (yawn) to find out more and comes across Madeleine Swann, the daughter of a former enemy with her own connection to the mysterious villain. Meanwhile MI6 is about to be taken over and upgraded by a douchebag named C.

Mini-Review: For the worst Bond movie of all time I selected Spectre. Shockingly Sam Mendes helmed a film that cast a ruinous, backwards shadow over the Daniel Craig era, even his own baby Skyfall. For the first time in over thirty years Blofeld could be put back on the big screen. Following the popularity of cinematic universes, Mendes decided to make Blofeld none other than Bond’s foster-brother (bringing to mind a comical plot twist from the Austin Powers films). What’s worse is that Blofeld supposedly orchestrated all the events of the previous three films to mess with Bond’s head. If taken seriously, this literally ruins compelling villains such as Le Chifre and Raoul Silva and by extension the conflicts in Casino Royale and Skyfall. Also M-16 is under scrutiny by the government for being out-of-date, a plot element that we already went through in the Skyfall. Add in a rushed romance between Bond and Madeleine Swann, an awful opening titles song, underwhelming music and action scenes, and a third act so bad and headscratching that many fans refuse to see it anything other than a hallucination sequence, and you have a very unentertaining James Bond flick.

#24: Quantum of Solace (2008)

Plot: The first direct sequel in the franchise, Quantum of Solace’s production was wrecked by the writer’s strike. It turns out that some of the villains in Casino Royale belong to a shadowy organization called Quantum. James Bond seeks to uncover its villainy while also struggling with feelings of vengeance and distrust. Oh, and the villains are rigging Bolivian politics so that they can control the country’s water supply.